maybe im wrong

Her breaking voice is bleeding love like a drunkard's broken bottles.

It's seeping into carpet fibers and poisoning your lungs.

You're breathing her and killing her, maybe just to hear her say
"I love you,"
Because she always says it
When you make her itch enough.


Amanda is dead. Its been a week.


Peace&Love

No need to say goodbye

you'll come back when its over


Snow day today. That means that I won't see you for 3 more days. I hope I can make it. You told me you hated me yestarday, you said you were just kidding but I couldn't help but feel a little cringe in my heart when you said it. Because I know in some little way that you do hate me. That you do hate me for everything I've become, and your finally realizing the reasons why we remain over.


My stomach hurts on this very snowy snow day. I've met some one new. His name is Nick. He well is a total sweetheart and calls me babe and hun. <3

The one thing I don't understand is why ever conversation I have with guys I don't know very well always turns onto a sexual related topic.

I hate that.

Peace&Love

maybe love is just for someone else

Tell me why?
Well dear I could answer but I just don't want to. Did you ever mean to let me go? Well hun if I answered that you would never wonder, you would never care. About me that is. Stop it, stop teasing me and just tell me. I can't



I love flirting with you, everyday, every moment. It just seems to make my day. AHHH testing today, four fucking hours long. Grrrr and you calling my name behind me the whole time did not help, AT ALL. lol
:)
I love you

you'll never be satisfied

You don't even know. You made me laugh today, did you really think that Tong is competition? You couldn't be more wrong. Me and Corey had a nice conversation, I think he is finally a bit closer with me. I hate the fact that you think its okay to flirt with her in front of me. I kind of want you to die. I don't feel good at the moment, my eyes hurt and my back is killing me. I also feel as if I'm being left behind. I don't understand. Explain it to me.


Peace&Love

and she said

There's just a way you said it yestarday that made me want to runaway.

Peace&Love

and then he said

I don't understand why they are being so cold to me. I feel like I'm becoming desprate to talk to them and its begining to bother me. I don't understand what I have to do to become who they want me to be. I miss them.

Peace&Love

your hair was long when we first met

Do you remember that? Its weird because now that I'm getting what I want which is your friendship, I'm not quite sure I want it. I'm not quite sure I'm ready for it. My fingers are cold and I love the way you screamed my name in the hallway today.

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

you promised you'd come back, but I have yet to see the one you used to be.
DEAR LORD JESUS!?!?! I want to know what you got me for Christmas, because you won't tell me. I'm still suprised you got me anything at all. I hope its not like...nice.
Whatever. I'm going to go clean. By the way I need a ciggarette majorly and I only have one left.

Peace&Love

you said move on

But where do I go?

What would you say if I told you I still loved you? That I can't stop thinking about you? Would you feel the same way or blow me off? You've become all I am. Its begining to be to much, I regret knowing you. If I had the choice I would have never meet you, but I don't so I have to live with the struggle you put me through.
I'm done ranting.

Peace&Love

Where were you?

Lost and insecure you found me you found me

You make me fall even more in love with you ever day. You look at me and all at once I become the most insecure person. Always worrying if I look good, or if I am acting the right way. This is begining to be to much, I know you care about me. I just wish that you would stop torturing me.

Where were you when everything was falling apart.

Peace&Love

It might Kill me

Is it wrong that I still care for you? That I still get butterflies and blush everytime you look at me? I don't know what to think anymore. I'm lost at the moment, in between a world of love and hate where half of me is hateing you and hating myself for hating you and the other is loving you and loving the fact that you love me to. I'm going out of my mind.

Peace&Love

small talk in my head

We had a conversation today. I almost hugged you, but stopped myself before I got the courage. Its a start. Maybe tomorrow I'll hug you, maybe not. I don't know, but what I do know is that I've made some dumb descions today.

Peace&Love

you'll learn to hate me

"Oh hello"
"hey sarah"
*smile*
"what are you doing for lunch?"
*pokes me*
"Poking you"
"aha you wish"
*pokes agian*
*I poke back*

This is a terrible game we play. Some days you hate me, you can't even look at me. Then some your all over me, hugging me and touching me. I swear to god this "lovebipolar" thing is not going to fly much longer.

Overall I had a good day.

Peace&Love

Slow Down

I need alittle time to see what your made of.:)

today was better

Peace&Love

I know in my heart its not you

:)
I hate how I still love you.
Thank you for making me smile today, though I do hate it when you poke me. Today was crap and you and kia made it so much better. I love you

I've got nothing for you to gain

I don't know what I want. First I'm hurting for you, then I'm hating you, then I'm longing for you yet again. NO! I'm done I fucking hate all of this that your putting me through. Stop watching me walk away, stop undressing me with your eyes, stop missing, stop touching me, stop making me love you.
I may not know who I am, who I will be, or what I want out of my life but I know, I know


I don't want you

I want to believe in more than you and me

all i can do is keep breathing

I hurt, so much. Its like a knife in my stomach. Why does this bother me so? Why do I continue to hurt myself like this? Who does he think he is?

I'm running and running, circles in my mind. Searching for the words, the moments I'll never find. You held my hand as I fell to the ground, clawing and scratching to find a way out. Out of your heart, out of your mind. Out onto the edge and off. To feel the wind as if I'm flying.
save me

13 Sneak, Sexy acts of Seduction

Have a little christmas in July

:)
Yes I am talking about that night, the best present I could of ever gotten from Santa. I miss that. But anywhoo, I'm calling virgil in like exactly 7 minutes:)
So gotta go and plan my attack.
aha
I love him

you accept me flaws and all

'Some people make my day.

I'm not always extremely close to them, but sometimes people I barely know, say one little thing, and I smile, and I forget all about anything that might have been bothering me.


And it's those little things that I appreciate so much more than anyone realizes.

Sometimes strangers mean more to me than my friends and family do. Simply because they help me in the most modest of ways. They have no intentions, and yet they make me smile during times when I could just cry.






There's this one girl, who used to get on my nerves, but she's different now. She's a sweetheart, and she's growing on me every day.

She made me smile with one little sentance.


There should be more people like her in the world. People that without even trying, throw out a little blurb and help someone they didn't even know needed helping.


If any of what I just typed makes sense to anyone else, it would be a miracle.

But I'm satisfied.'


maryann i love you:)

Dear Mister Please me Sir

Who am I? Who have I become to please others? I've pushed, and pushed, and pushed people until finally they've stopped pushing back. They've stopped caring. People don't deserve to deal with me, they don't need the problems I have. I am nothing but an empty head. I've given everything up to make others happy, and once I got a taste of being a bitch I hungered for it, I needed it. And now all its given me is pain.
I wish I could go back.

This is my one regret.

Peace&Love

Its not like I'm Sleeping with Him

You've stopped caring, stopped looking for me in the hallways. Just stopped.
I am nothing to you now but the past, and thats all I should be. That doesn't change the fact that its killing me. Everytime I see you I want to throw everything I've done to move on away. Throw it away and run into your arms. Your the one I want. Your the one I love. I hate this so much.

Peace&Love

the world seems not the same

I feel bad because I won't see you for another week...:(
Truth:my myspace name came from virgil, I am his Vanilla Muffin:)
Truth:today I took 15 dollars from my dad
Truth:Today I smoked a pack of newports:(
Truth:I really hate these truth things
Truth:I put new music on my ipod
Truth: I really really wanted cheese fries today
Truth:I love him and he knows it.
Truth: Tomorrow I'm going to take my brother out to lunch

End of my Lameness

Peace&Love

Hope it gives you hell

when you see my face
hope it gives you hell

:)
I hope I'm fucking killing you right now. I look hot and you know it:).


Peace&Love

Cupcakes

You stole my hat today....
It smelled like your bag when i got it back...I had to throw it in my locker so it would smell...not like you. Grrrrr
You still seem to make it hard to breath.


i wanted to lick your cupcake:)

cold hands

I LOVE TODAY:)

today was amazing. I just, I feel great. You didn't completley ignore me today, and I enjoyed my very cruel conversation with Kristi and Caitlyn in algebra.

maybe I'm not over you just yet....

Peace&Love

walk within the lines please sir

Today was good. Great really. My hair feels really soft, and he flirted with me in NovaNet.:))))
I'm so lame. You stoped looking at me today. Its like you won't even glance at me. You talked to me though, which was weird. But what can you do. I feel really good. Night Night.


Peace&Love

The Things I'll never Say

Its been a month, but it seems like just yestarday. We are both finally...how you say moving on. But I know, I know that you still want me. Just by the way your eyes lock on mine, or the way your hand brushes mine when we walk close. Every touch burns, like a million lightbulbs flash with your caress. I hate this
I re-did my myspace. Thats because I'm just that cool. I miss amy so much.


end of story
Peace&Love

I miss you love...

i feel bummed. I hate therapists. I hate their offices. They make me feel...insane. I dont know, maybe I am going crazy. I should probably stop smoking. I just can't.

I am ready now

to fly from the highest swing

I think I might have a little crush on you. Yes you. You make me laugh at myself, how sad?:) But I don't know the world just seems a bit, lighter when i talk to you.
lets talk some more and see where this takes us

Today was shitty. I had to walk home in the rain. My throat is killing me. I need a cigarette. And he still hates me. I thought we were done with that.
jizzzz

Peace&Love

and she breaths

im sick of all this.
I'm sick of walking on eggshells around you. Just leave me the fuck alone. Dont talk to me, don't talk about me. Just go die.

dancing with devils

Rebecca Neal,
Thank you for giving me that. Its like you read my mind, I needed you. I seem to be missing you more and more each day. Its almost as if the day we left i never really got to say my goodbye. I never really knew how close we were til we were seperated. There is nobody who can even come close to being as good a friend as you. And I am grateful for that. I hope everything is well. Your friend always and forever.

Sammie

can you pretend im amazing

wow
um
wow
i still love you with that hack job on your head

maybe tomorrow we'll talk again
well i still feel pretty crappy
so im going to just end it for the night
i love you all
talk to you soon again
Peace&Love

butterfly sting

asd;fjk;lk
wow sarah
you fucked things up again...

I Don't mean to run

Today was really good. Probably the best of the month.
i think im finally okay

I talked to bethany and amy today. It was great
im so glad i have them back.
I missed them so much.
I have a plan by the way. I think what I'm going to do is just talk to him.
Make it seem like what happened doesnt even bother me.
Who knows it may work.
Well I think thats all I'm going to say.

Peace&Love

Recovery

i feel okay today.
im a bit scared but thats okay.
i love breadsticks

i love you
Peace&Love

Six Feet Under Water

If your reading this, I miss you.

maybe theres another way

I'm not sorry yet.

I would do everything again. I don't regret anything we did. Maybe one day you'll see it, what we had i mean. If what we had was even real.

This weekends going to suck.

Peace&Love

the violent buried away

I just want you to be happy. Thats it.
I hope your happy with her.

Naughty Nurse or Sex Kitten

I went costume shopping today.
Wow. Thats all i can say. They even had a slutty nun outfit. Thats terrible. Halloween used to be so much fun, but now its just another excuse for girls to dress slutty.

Anyway,
Today was okay. School was okay, "Good Morning Falls" was really good. It made me laugh. For some reason i was in a really good mood today. I dont know why.

Okay so here is the 411. Here, meaning menomonee falls, there is no guy worth liking. And yes i know that normally is the catch phrase of an undateable girl, its just they all suck. Most of them are just really good friends. Im not attracted to anybody. (well mostly everybody) They are all so immature. But i dont know. Maybe i just havent meet the right guy. Maybe i have and its just not our time right now.

It was really awkward today in Algebra. I guess i was trying to get your attention, but whatever. I'm so lame. And mean. But whatever, you laughed at me and i told you to fuck off and then you poked me. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!!! Well I don't think you heard me say fuck you. You said hi and i stuck my tongue out at you. I don't know. Things are weird today. I saw you at lunch. Again really awkward.
You know what would be really sad. That when i think your looking at me
your really not.
God I'm so lame.
The Lamest.
That should be my name.

"Hello, whats your name"
"Lame"
"haha your funny"
"Whats so funny. I WILL CUTTTT YOU!" (i would use my great ghetto accent there)
"Okay whatever by lame"
"oh you can call me jenny"

I'm done with my blabbing
Peace&Love

A Drop in the Ocean

"Are you busy?"
"yeah but i want to talk to you"


:)
You know whats scary? Me and becca are writting fairly similar blogs. It is really scary. I miss her. I just hope i havent fucked things up with her without knowing it.


It was a good day. Now im going to go straighten my hair.
Night


Peace&Love

Mature Conversations

"Do you have a dollar?"
"No, sorry"
"You suck"
"I know"
*smile*

HE PUSHED ME
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Maybe this means we are okay or atleast on the way to being friends again.
Thats all i want
Virgil wont talk to me. I feel like such a bitch. He doesnt deserve the attitude i give him. But the thing is its never really ment for him. Its my anger to other people. Idk im just being stupid. I hope he forgives me. I miss him.

Peace&Love

you've got the wrong girl

you never miss a thing but you missed me there.

Would you consider that a conversation? The few words that were exchanged, a conversation or just batter? A quick smile brightens my day. Was that smile directed at me?

I remember the first time we met. My heart started beating fast and my hands started shaking. My breathing became hard as you began to speak. I am the breeze that flies you to foreign places, I am the sun that warms your feet. Reach for the stars and I'll hold you upon my shoulders till you touch the top. Greed for your love.

I'm All For Believing

My defenses are down. I turn this corner with fear in my heart. In my eyes. Fearful that you may be around the bend. I thought we were meant to be. I wish i could believe you were trying but I know thats a lie.

Peace&Love

They weren't there

i have nothing to say today. I'm sick and tired and just want to lay in a bath. So im going to go.
Peace&Love

a full body kiss

your body encircles mine, a full breath passes before you let go. A quick gesture, meant to form an alliance. Meant to save a friendship. god i love you Today was okay. I became a TA for my German teacher. She is I do believe mentally insane. But she is exciting. He talked to me first today. Wow it had been a long time, when i first heard him say my name i thought i was dreaming. I'm so lame. NEW SEATS IN CHOIR!!! I love my seat, right next to my junior buddy. She feeds me Starburstssssssssss. Yummmmmmm
I miss this girl named Bethany. I don't know, it feels like I've kinda lost her. I try and...oh who am i kidding i don't try. I just really miss her. The funny thing is I miss this guy named .... too. but i see that boy every day. And it kills me.
(DEAR GOD DON'T LET HIM READ THIS)

But anyway. Overall I had a good day. I made meatballs when i got home. They turned out okay. Not the best thing I've made lately. I'm thinking tomorrow ima make some tacos. They always turn out okay. :))))
Okay Ima go watch house
Peace&Love

Stand your ground

I miss you.
Do you have any idea how much it hurts to say that? No, you don't. But I'll have to deal with that, because your never coming back.


Anywhooooooo
I wore no eyeliner today. I felt so exposed. So naked. Again how lame am I? I just wanted to see if you liked the way I looked without makeup. But anyway, lots of people supposudly like it, but whatever. EWWWW I had foods today in german and dom made these pretzel things that like were soft animal crackers. Gagggggg:p

and to him i am beauty beyond compare
god damnit i still love him


peace&love

I told another lie today

why can't i be anorexic?
How sad does that sound? I feel so pathetic, and lame. I just....I just thought maybe we would still be together if I was a bit skinnier. Who knows. I just feel so gross and ugly. I don't understand. Who am I? Who is this person i have become to make you happy? I'm sick of all of these games we play. I'm done. I'm done looking for you in the halls and hoping that maybe if i glance your way your gazing at me. Wishing I hadn't broken things off. But I know its just false hope. Your looking at the pretty girl next to you, or staring of into the empty space above my head. I'll just never be good enough for you, and until the day I die I know that I will torture myself. Every goddamn day.

Peace&Love

(so much for no more depressing shit)

Starburst

okay so I've noticed that I have been posting alot lately. And all of the posts seem to be about you, so im going to stop. SIKE
Its easy to talk on here, because I know nobody actually reads my blog. What a waste of time some would say. But i say screw you, here i can rant and rave and talk about things openly.

Anywhooooo
Today was boring. I gots me some scratches and bruises on my face, so everybody kept asking what happened. I wish they would leave me alone about it. I would tell them if it was important. Okay so I'm ummm thinking about switching out of my algebra class, so I don't have you staring at me. Im sick of it. STOP UNDRESSING ME WITH YOUR EYES!!!!!


aha that was a joke.
I made a necklace today. It is the shit man. I'm not even kidding. Its all rainbowy and has a orange whale in the middle. SEEEXXXXAAAAYYYYY

:)))
Ima go to bed
Peace Out GirlScout

i couldnt have been more wrong

our hands brush
and it sends an electric current from
the tips of my fingertips
to the top of my head
i cant seem to find air
and
i open my mouth to speak
"your the only one i've ever loved"

If you'll stay in my past

i wish you would stop looking at me. Stop locking your eyes on mine when i happen to glance in your direction. The sad thing is i delude myself into thinking i dont want you to look at me, but as soon as you dont i want you to look again.


stay away
and
ill let you forget me
forget us

the funny thing is

i'd still die for you

your not a man at all

How did we get here? I used to know you so well. Im so confused, out of my mind. Tossing and turning at night, thinking about everything. I hate you, but i love you. I have the urge to text you every five minutes, and everytime i see you my heart falls into my stomach. I cant breath. i hope your happy with her, thats all i want. Your happiness. i just wish you were happy with me. but who would be im
things to hate about sarah
fat
ugly
useless
untalented
stupid
broken
clingy
terrible
depressing
hated
lost
annoying
boring
the list goes on and on

Theres a downpour on my mind

goodbye my almost lover
goodbye my hopeless dream

why is it that
every song i hear reminds me of you
i want you i want you so baaaaad

your gone
there is nothing left of you here
(okay that is a lie i still have the spray you gave me
to put on my pillow so it seemed like you were holding me)
but
your practically gone

she missed the way you kissed her

have i ever told you, i love the way you walk, god i love the way you talk
today i was by my locker, pretending i didnt see you. But you saw me i know you did. Its crazy because how is it that you still make my heart be fast after you
ripped it out?

i just want back in your head. im not unfaithful but ill stray

this is the end of this crappy post
bye

im down to a whisper

can you hear me?
you. her. us.
he's here...with her
that was the text i got from my friend
it sent me into a frenzy
i didnt know what to do
i didnt want to go to the game
but
i had to
i promise myself i wouldnt let this bother me
but
it is
its been
7 days since we broke up
9 days since we last kissed
and you've stopped talking to me
im done trying
i need to forget you
i need to stop dreaming about you
i need to....i need to just stop

i still wear your necklace to bed
but dont tell anyone its a secret


"Sarah i'd paint the sky green and the grass blue if it would make you happy"

i think of you

you never noticed me before
i understand your reasons now

high tide, or a trainwreck?

its been to long
i have the shakes
the thing is i don't need drugs
i need you
I'm in withdrawal
going so long without your touch
i feel like crap
your done with me so
I'm...I'm nothing to you
to anybody
i wish i could change your mind.

The funny thing is that I can't seem to go anywhere without looking for you. In the halls, in the mall, on my space, other peoples phones. Creepy i know, but i cant help it. When your name is mentioned its like a whole bucket load of butterflies are fluttering in my stomach. When i see you i try and pretend not to, but i know you see me. I know your looking at me. Every time i hear that song i think of how you sound singing it to me. How happy we were when you loved me. I cant seem to talk to you without thinking of your lips on hers. Kissing her the way you kissed me, before the end came. You just destroyed me, but i never showed it. Nobody knew, i just smiled and went on pretending. That is until i got home, then it all came undone. It was like there were reserves of tears in the back of my head because they just kept coming. This is crazy. Its been six days since we last kissed, two since we last talked and five since I ended this disaster.


i feel so alone

a piece for you and a piece for me

i dont know what happened today
i just feel so out of place i woke up
and didnt know where i was
i went to school and i feel disconected with everything and
everybody
i gave you your hoodie back today with a letter that read


There once was a man, who lived a lie. He smiled, and laughed at his dumb friends jokes but inside he was empty. He was taught to hold back his tears, hold back the truth. He is fragile. And on the off chance that you would see his smile, his real smile, it makes you think maybe heaven is where he is. This man then made the mistake in the form of a sickly looking woman. Fat seemingly dripping from her limbs. Her hands, rough to the touch, and all those kisses, wet and sloppy, nauseate him and make the man wish he could forget. So he forgets, even for a moment, and when he comes to he finds that woman gone. She has disappeared into thin air, lost. Broken by the words left unspoken. 'Perhaps if I was a little bit pretty, a little bit aware, a little bit thinner, and maybe you'd be there….' So the man forgets the woman with the revolting face, he forgets all they ever had when all he had to ask '5 more minutes please.'

and you said nothing
you just kept walking beside me
stealing silent glances my way
then
hugging me goodbye
i dont know who you think you are

Don't Call don't come back to my house

i need to unmeet you somehow
but
i think it was the voicemails you left me, or maybe all the texts that made me
even think about forgiving you.

the man is cold, freezing the womans skin.
But still she stays, and bares the pain with him.

his respones was
"the womans touch warmed the man
he feels alive again."

stop it
i want to hate you so bad
you made me cry so hard, you made me hurt.
I hated listening to you cry on my phone
I hated how you whispered how much
you loved me.
I hate everything about you
I just wish you would leave me the fuck alone



me:it feels like you love me again .....

him:i never stopped loving you.

me:Don't say that

him:why not? its true

me:we are done, i just cant handle all the pain.

him:-takes a breath-
Sarah don't say that please.

me:....

him:take it back sarah please. Forgive me.

me: goodbye -starts to hang up-

him:-whispers- i love you sarah

me: i... i love you too

im yours

today has been really good
last night i got a text

"imagine me and you
i do
i think about ya day and night
its only right to think about
the girl ya love and
hold her tight
so happy together"

:))
i really think this guy could change me
HE NEEDS TO DUMPP HIS GIRLFRIEND JESUS!!!!!!!

changes

i need a change
a change of
scenery
hair
people
life
help me out
lol
i want to go home:D

Paramore and Seether

i feel in love tonight
at the rock show
lol
dork
a;skdjfal;skdj
idk wat to say

eleven hundred miles and a hairbrush

Heading in the direction of
Ever unceasing destruction.
Always wondering if this is the
Direction that's best for me.
Over and under and thru the
Very threads that hold this life together.
Emptyness becomes a lost
Reality.
How can this be wrong?
Everyone insists.
Ever against this helplessLove
I feel towards
Someone who doesn't exist.
I cannot contain this feeling,
Never lie and claim it's gone.
Lies are no part of this world
Only truth and love can break the
Very bonds that bind us apart for what seems
Eternity.

a whisper, of a song

he told me his name with a smile
like a song it came from his lips
"taylor"
perfect in everyway but all the while having
undertones of an uneasy past
you'd think it was thunder that you couldnt see
that is the pounding of my heart


i feel okay
its high time i feel okay

saturday nights to remember

a strange thing
pain is
like a knife cutting across skin
or
a boy saying the words that are all wrong


my dad sat me down today
and he told me i was wrong
that was it just i was wrong
i had my bag packed and i was going to leave but
i couldnt because as i slid past him
he whispered something that i will keep forever
i learned something today
something i would have never thought of

"its okay to just let it go sometimes it doesnt mean
defeat, your not giving in
its a way to feel better even if just for a second"

disgusting

She held her head in her hands, and dug hernails into the soft flesh of her cheeks."I once dreamt he was alive…"The sadness caught in her chest and threatened to crush that which had once loved a friendship kind of love.Have you ever lived a lie? She looked up from her palms at the mirror."Hello old friend. You'vecome to see me again?"Fingers reached out to touch the glass surface.Small red bracelet around a stranger's wrist.Nothing looked good,because everything was wrong.This soul had a near death experience yesterday,standing by his coffin.Wondering… just exactly how far,six feet really was.