I Don't mean to run

Today was really good. Probably the best of the month.
i think im finally okay

I talked to bethany and amy today. It was great
im so glad i have them back.
I missed them so much.
I have a plan by the way. I think what I'm going to do is just talk to him.
Make it seem like what happened doesnt even bother me.
Who knows it may work.
Well I think thats all I'm going to say.

Peace&Love

Recovery

i feel okay today.
im a bit scared but thats okay.
i love breadsticks

i love you
Peace&Love

Six Feet Under Water

If your reading this, I miss you.

maybe theres another way

I'm not sorry yet.

I would do everything again. I don't regret anything we did. Maybe one day you'll see it, what we had i mean. If what we had was even real.

This weekends going to suck.

Peace&Love

the violent buried away

I just want you to be happy. Thats it.
I hope your happy with her.

Naughty Nurse or Sex Kitten

I went costume shopping today.
Wow. Thats all i can say. They even had a slutty nun outfit. Thats terrible. Halloween used to be so much fun, but now its just another excuse for girls to dress slutty.

Anyway,
Today was okay. School was okay, "Good Morning Falls" was really good. It made me laugh. For some reason i was in a really good mood today. I dont know why.

Okay so here is the 411. Here, meaning menomonee falls, there is no guy worth liking. And yes i know that normally is the catch phrase of an undateable girl, its just they all suck. Most of them are just really good friends. Im not attracted to anybody. (well mostly everybody) They are all so immature. But i dont know. Maybe i just havent meet the right guy. Maybe i have and its just not our time right now.

It was really awkward today in Algebra. I guess i was trying to get your attention, but whatever. I'm so lame. And mean. But whatever, you laughed at me and i told you to fuck off and then you poked me. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!!! Well I don't think you heard me say fuck you. You said hi and i stuck my tongue out at you. I don't know. Things are weird today. I saw you at lunch. Again really awkward.
You know what would be really sad. That when i think your looking at me
your really not.
God I'm so lame.
The Lamest.
That should be my name.

"Hello, whats your name"
"Lame"
"haha your funny"
"Whats so funny. I WILL CUTTTT YOU!" (i would use my great ghetto accent there)
"Okay whatever by lame"
"oh you can call me jenny"

I'm done with my blabbing
Peace&Love

A Drop in the Ocean

"Are you busy?"
"yeah but i want to talk to you"


:)
You know whats scary? Me and becca are writting fairly similar blogs. It is really scary. I miss her. I just hope i havent fucked things up with her without knowing it.


It was a good day. Now im going to go straighten my hair.
Night


Peace&Love

Mature Conversations

"Do you have a dollar?"
"No, sorry"
"You suck"
"I know"
*smile*

HE PUSHED ME
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Maybe this means we are okay or atleast on the way to being friends again.
Thats all i want
Virgil wont talk to me. I feel like such a bitch. He doesnt deserve the attitude i give him. But the thing is its never really ment for him. Its my anger to other people. Idk im just being stupid. I hope he forgives me. I miss him.

Peace&Love

you've got the wrong girl

you never miss a thing but you missed me there.

Would you consider that a conversation? The few words that were exchanged, a conversation or just batter? A quick smile brightens my day. Was that smile directed at me?

I remember the first time we met. My heart started beating fast and my hands started shaking. My breathing became hard as you began to speak. I am the breeze that flies you to foreign places, I am the sun that warms your feet. Reach for the stars and I'll hold you upon my shoulders till you touch the top. Greed for your love.

I'm All For Believing

My defenses are down. I turn this corner with fear in my heart. In my eyes. Fearful that you may be around the bend. I thought we were meant to be. I wish i could believe you were trying but I know thats a lie.

Peace&Love

They weren't there

i have nothing to say today. I'm sick and tired and just want to lay in a bath. So im going to go.
Peace&Love

a full body kiss

your body encircles mine, a full breath passes before you let go. A quick gesture, meant to form an alliance. Meant to save a friendship. god i love you Today was okay. I became a TA for my German teacher. She is I do believe mentally insane. But she is exciting. He talked to me first today. Wow it had been a long time, when i first heard him say my name i thought i was dreaming. I'm so lame. NEW SEATS IN CHOIR!!! I love my seat, right next to my junior buddy. She feeds me Starburstssssssssss. Yummmmmmm
I miss this girl named Bethany. I don't know, it feels like I've kinda lost her. I try and...oh who am i kidding i don't try. I just really miss her. The funny thing is I miss this guy named .... too. but i see that boy every day. And it kills me.
(DEAR GOD DON'T LET HIM READ THIS)

But anyway. Overall I had a good day. I made meatballs when i got home. They turned out okay. Not the best thing I've made lately. I'm thinking tomorrow ima make some tacos. They always turn out okay. :))))
Okay Ima go watch house
Peace&Love

Stand your ground

I miss you.
Do you have any idea how much it hurts to say that? No, you don't. But I'll have to deal with that, because your never coming back.


Anywhooooooo
I wore no eyeliner today. I felt so exposed. So naked. Again how lame am I? I just wanted to see if you liked the way I looked without makeup. But anyway, lots of people supposudly like it, but whatever. EWWWW I had foods today in german and dom made these pretzel things that like were soft animal crackers. Gagggggg:p

and to him i am beauty beyond compare
god damnit i still love him


peace&love

I told another lie today

why can't i be anorexic?
How sad does that sound? I feel so pathetic, and lame. I just....I just thought maybe we would still be together if I was a bit skinnier. Who knows. I just feel so gross and ugly. I don't understand. Who am I? Who is this person i have become to make you happy? I'm sick of all of these games we play. I'm done. I'm done looking for you in the halls and hoping that maybe if i glance your way your gazing at me. Wishing I hadn't broken things off. But I know its just false hope. Your looking at the pretty girl next to you, or staring of into the empty space above my head. I'll just never be good enough for you, and until the day I die I know that I will torture myself. Every goddamn day.

Peace&Love

(so much for no more depressing shit)

Starburst

okay so I've noticed that I have been posting alot lately. And all of the posts seem to be about you, so im going to stop. SIKE
Its easy to talk on here, because I know nobody actually reads my blog. What a waste of time some would say. But i say screw you, here i can rant and rave and talk about things openly.

Anywhooooo
Today was boring. I gots me some scratches and bruises on my face, so everybody kept asking what happened. I wish they would leave me alone about it. I would tell them if it was important. Okay so I'm ummm thinking about switching out of my algebra class, so I don't have you staring at me. Im sick of it. STOP UNDRESSING ME WITH YOUR EYES!!!!!


aha that was a joke.
I made a necklace today. It is the shit man. I'm not even kidding. Its all rainbowy and has a orange whale in the middle. SEEEXXXXAAAAYYYYY

:)))
Ima go to bed
Peace Out GirlScout

i couldnt have been more wrong

our hands brush
and it sends an electric current from
the tips of my fingertips
to the top of my head
i cant seem to find air
and
i open my mouth to speak
"your the only one i've ever loved"

If you'll stay in my past

i wish you would stop looking at me. Stop locking your eyes on mine when i happen to glance in your direction. The sad thing is i delude myself into thinking i dont want you to look at me, but as soon as you dont i want you to look again.


stay away
and
ill let you forget me
forget us

the funny thing is

i'd still die for you

your not a man at all

How did we get here? I used to know you so well. Im so confused, out of my mind. Tossing and turning at night, thinking about everything. I hate you, but i love you. I have the urge to text you every five minutes, and everytime i see you my heart falls into my stomach. I cant breath. i hope your happy with her, thats all i want. Your happiness. i just wish you were happy with me. but who would be im
things to hate about sarah
fat
ugly
useless
untalented
stupid
broken
clingy
terrible
depressing
hated
lost
annoying
boring
the list goes on and on

Theres a downpour on my mind

goodbye my almost lover
goodbye my hopeless dream

why is it that
every song i hear reminds me of you
i want you i want you so baaaaad

your gone
there is nothing left of you here
(okay that is a lie i still have the spray you gave me
to put on my pillow so it seemed like you were holding me)
but
your practically gone

she missed the way you kissed her

have i ever told you, i love the way you walk, god i love the way you talk
today i was by my locker, pretending i didnt see you. But you saw me i know you did. Its crazy because how is it that you still make my heart be fast after you
ripped it out?

i just want back in your head. im not unfaithful but ill stray

this is the end of this crappy post
bye

im down to a whisper

can you hear me?
you. her. us.
he's here...with her
that was the text i got from my friend
it sent me into a frenzy
i didnt know what to do
i didnt want to go to the game
but
i had to
i promise myself i wouldnt let this bother me
but
it is
its been
7 days since we broke up
9 days since we last kissed
and you've stopped talking to me
im done trying
i need to forget you
i need to stop dreaming about you
i need to....i need to just stop

i still wear your necklace to bed
but dont tell anyone its a secret


"Sarah i'd paint the sky green and the grass blue if it would make you happy"

i think of you

you never noticed me before
i understand your reasons now

high tide, or a trainwreck?

its been to long
i have the shakes
the thing is i don't need drugs
i need you
I'm in withdrawal
going so long without your touch
i feel like crap
your done with me so
I'm...I'm nothing to you
to anybody
i wish i could change your mind.

The funny thing is that I can't seem to go anywhere without looking for you. In the halls, in the mall, on my space, other peoples phones. Creepy i know, but i cant help it. When your name is mentioned its like a whole bucket load of butterflies are fluttering in my stomach. When i see you i try and pretend not to, but i know you see me. I know your looking at me. Every time i hear that song i think of how you sound singing it to me. How happy we were when you loved me. I cant seem to talk to you without thinking of your lips on hers. Kissing her the way you kissed me, before the end came. You just destroyed me, but i never showed it. Nobody knew, i just smiled and went on pretending. That is until i got home, then it all came undone. It was like there were reserves of tears in the back of my head because they just kept coming. This is crazy. Its been six days since we last kissed, two since we last talked and five since I ended this disaster.


i feel so alone

a piece for you and a piece for me

i dont know what happened today
i just feel so out of place i woke up
and didnt know where i was
i went to school and i feel disconected with everything and
everybody
i gave you your hoodie back today with a letter that read


There once was a man, who lived a lie. He smiled, and laughed at his dumb friends jokes but inside he was empty. He was taught to hold back his tears, hold back the truth. He is fragile. And on the off chance that you would see his smile, his real smile, it makes you think maybe heaven is where he is. This man then made the mistake in the form of a sickly looking woman. Fat seemingly dripping from her limbs. Her hands, rough to the touch, and all those kisses, wet and sloppy, nauseate him and make the man wish he could forget. So he forgets, even for a moment, and when he comes to he finds that woman gone. She has disappeared into thin air, lost. Broken by the words left unspoken. 'Perhaps if I was a little bit pretty, a little bit aware, a little bit thinner, and maybe you'd be there….' So the man forgets the woman with the revolting face, he forgets all they ever had when all he had to ask '5 more minutes please.'

and you said nothing
you just kept walking beside me
stealing silent glances my way
then
hugging me goodbye
i dont know who you think you are